04 April 2011

P&W Prompt 4 (Originally 6)

Prompt from P&W (and Angelspeak):

Choose a poem that you've written and rewrite it in its reverse, making the last line first, etc. Revise this version, creating a new poem.

So I chose a poem that I wrote in October of 2009. It was about a girl who was "secretly" involved with a guy I very briefly dated. She had a tendency to try to only treat me nicely when there was no one else to talk to and it annoyed me greatly. I was always nice, but found her flaky, shallow tendencies too much for me one day. Here's the original:

You look down upon me
and I wish
I could sit so high in the world

You whisper quiet conversations
enticing him in slowly
with otherwise mundane
complained efforts

You word yourself out
The chip on your shoulder
growing to my eyes

Showing you sheltered privilege 
you talk about money
then brushing it away
and unneeded endowment offered

Only when our eyes meet
do you shrink away, false modesty
your downward sneer again

Your clicking heels 
The hallway echoes widely
it shares my contempt
rejoicing the abating sound

The prompt is to reverse the lines and compose a new poem. Here's the reverse:

Rejoicing the abating sound
it shares my contempt
the hallway echoes widely
your clicking heels

Your downward sneer again
do you shrink away, false modesty
only when our eyes meet

An unneeded endowment offered
then brushing it away
you talk about money
showing your sheltered privilege

Growing to my eyes
the chip on your shoulder
you word yourself out

Complained efforts
with otherwise mundane
enticing him in slowly
you whisper quiet conversations

I could sit so high in the world
and I wish
You look down upon me

Then I revised and rewrote my (now long abandoned) contempt Again it is untitled – suggested titles are welcome. Here is the final product:

I rejoice the abating sound of clicking heels
in the echoing hallways that share my contempt
for your attitude - your presence, one moment
sniveling and sweet, another condescending

Your downward sneer is spotted so
you shrink away, false modesty appearing
in your shoulders, in the arch of your neck
but your eyes flash and give you away

From abroad, an unneeded endowment offered
You brush it away, your talk of money clearly
exhibiting the sheltered privilege
from which you look down at me, at all

Now growing, to my eyes, is the chip
on your shoulder, in conversation
your word yourself out, pretension only
a short stroll from your misused vernacular

Performing your cheap woes, your seduction
no more than mundane complaints, aloof
and apathetic, you try to entice him
with whispered words and quiet conversations

I could sit so high in the world, looking down
such a slender nose at every human connection, 
but I do not find the presence of others
to be abhorrent - just yours. 

As always, comments are welcome. 

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